So I've just skimmed the posts on a popular guitarist's forum and fuck me, there are some pricks out there.

I suspect these corners of the internet are frequented mainly by people who can't play properly and substitute "gear" for "ability" because the vast majority of posts seem to be about how to select the correct value of potentiometers to sound like Jimi Hendrix. Or discussions about whether Steve Vai replaced the filter caps in his Marshall with "better sounding ones". Or how to play faster. Or how to "get more distortion out of my amp".

I sincerely want to grab these people and fucking shake some sense into them. Or simply beat them about the head with a wet fish until they sell all the overpriced "gear" they don't know how to fucking use and get another hobby like flower arranging or stamp collecting instead of wanking each other off over string gauges and pickup heights and a billion other things that do not fucking matter if you can actually play the fucking guitar.

Pricks.

First I was like ...

Then I was like ...

Beat THAT Debbie McGee

Back in the dark days of the internet before broadband existed and when no one even knew what goatse was, there was a strange site called Moose Mansions. It was even hosted on Freeserve, that's how far back into internet history I'm talking here. In those terrible times before b3ta and rathergood and all those other unfunny sites, Moose Mansions was the only genuine source of original british internet humour anywhere in "cyberspace". I hate that word by the way.

But the mills of God grind slow and true and Moose Mansions went the way of all things - abandoned by its author, left to rot in an unupdated state until it slowly withered away and drifted off into the lost lands of deleted websites. Well listen up motherfuckers, Moose Mansions is back and you need to go there immediately. If only to find out where I steal all my best ideas from. Oh what a giveaway.

Anyway, go there now. Moose Mansions ladies and gentlemen. A piece of authentic internet history there. May it live forever.

Sorry, I'm not running the messageboard any more.

Cheers,
Frank

Never mind that shit, the board was too fucking good to let Real Life™ get in the way of a bit of online shitcuntery. The very lovely Captain Hood-Butter is now modding the board, I'll be there less frequently for a few weeks but we're back online as of right now.

RIGHT THEN.

It's the very lovely SirSandGoblin's birthday on Saturday. And his dog likes eating pigs' ears. So here's the deal.

Draw a picture of SSG's dog and/or SSG eating pigs' ears and post it on the board. Before saturday. Your reward will be, oh I don't bloody know, having your name displayed in purple on the board for a fortnight. Or until I get bored of looking at it. Or forever if I can't be arsed changing things.

Do it for SSG. You know you want to.

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone for entering - all your work is on display in the gallery right here.