Women are like parking spaces.
Normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one. Good morning beautiful internet people.
some_cunt
09/02/2010 09:53
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ha ha yes.
It's always good to have a peach but sometimes you have to make do with a raspberry.
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alright
My Mrs has brought home one of her 'special' clients. My mum used to call them 'The backwards'. Nice enough lad, he's sitting in the other room watching music vids on youchoob. Just now he asked me if I knew of any good guitar vids to watch so I suggested Eric Mongrain. I said it with a straight face, I'm not a cunt. Are you one?
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Alright CHB, alright some_cunt
The only guitarism that is worth owt is the sort that ends at least fifteen seconds of feedback and a hearty GADUMPHfrom the drummer. And that fucking spastic doesn't even know how to hold the fucking thing right. I am bleeding to death here by the way. I pulled a toenail out for a laugh and now I appear to be pissing blood out of my foot at an alarming rate. Still, musn't grumble.
bogus
08/02/2010 22:21
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Don't worry
The bleeding stopped now. Call off the ambleances.
bogus
08/02/2010 22:40
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Well if that made you laugh
cut the toe off with a hacksaw. You'll fucking piss yourself.
alroight boogus
alright some-cunt
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I did it for a laugh
I failed at that. It made me ow.
bogus
08/02/2010 22:48
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you know who's a cunt?
This guy's a cunt. And the three cunts watching him are all cunts. They're standing there with massive throbbing bass player erections watching him wank himself off and wishing their bass player willies were as big as his. When really he's a maggot-dicked bucket of piss who plays wanky bass tunes for wankers. The fucking cunt.
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 22:59
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Right
He either is a guitarist or a bassist. I say we chop off some of his brain and let him be a bassist.
bogus
08/02/2010 23:02
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you replied while I was in mid-rant
I added more instances of the word "cunt" while you weren't looking
because he's a cunt
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 23:05
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oh for fuck's SAKE
just fucking die, you useless fucking cunt bastard
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 23:09
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What the fucking fuck is the point of that?
Oh look at me! I can use my two hands independently!
Yeah? Well so can I. I can drink any liquid manually, eat any food manually, and wank with my spare hand. Fuck you, Jap show off. FUCK YOU!
bogus
08/02/2010 23:14
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I'd like to ram that pointy Ibanez toy guitar up his sphoncter
and the other one down his urethra
the fucking cunt bastard fucking arsehole cunt
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 23:18
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add yes, I mean sphoncter
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 23:28
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lol
and that
bogus
08/02/2010 23:31
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and yes, I mean add
what the fuck is wrong with my spazzy fingers tonight?
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 23:32
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Self diagnosed dyspraxia is your best bet
bogus
08/02/2010 23:40
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I think it might be undiagnosed Asperger's
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 23:42
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You can wank in public bogs with that I heard
Ask Steadman out of 5 star
bogus
08/02/2010 23:45
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Oh man, I thought I imagined it
bogus
08/02/2010 23:49
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Oh man, I've used a public toilet in New Malden, Surrey.
I hope I didn't catch 5 Star Wanking Bum Aids
some_cunt
09/02/2010 00:02
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I bet he was in the next cubicle, watching you through a hole in the wall
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 00:04
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I feel dirty, yet excited
though that could just be 'cos I'm installing Ubuntu as I type this
some_cunt
09/02/2010 00:07
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I gave up on it
the version I downloaded didn't like my hardware, kept grinding to a halt and failing to install
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 00:09
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Its installed ok
seems to think wireless is turned off though & I can't be arsed to work it out tonight. I'll have some cheese on crackers and a wank instead.
some_cunt
09/02/2010 00:52
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my mum gave me some stollen today
it's fucking lovely
but I have the sudden urge to annex the Sudetenland
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 00:56
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you just KNOW what I'm going to post now
clue: it's not System Addict
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 23:51
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Needs more Matt Bianco
Bunch o wankers
bogus
08/02/2010 23:55
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here, squeeze one off to this
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 23:58
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NO
bogus
09/02/2010 00:01
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"His British chart success was brought to an abrupt end following a disastrous appearance on the TV show Juke Box Jury. Unbeknown to the show’s panellists, who gave his single a unanimously scathing review, he appeared at the end of the programme as the regular “mystery guest”. To this day he still blames his manager for accepting the booking and bringing about the death of his career in the UK."
I saw that LIVE. And the Five Star phone in. I rofl'd.
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 00:05
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hahah
Jealous because he's more skilled than you. You couldn't do it, not even close, so will use the "I wouldn't want to" get-out to save embarrassment.
Dave Trouser
09/02/2010 02:45
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er, no
I just stopped trying to play that way
when I was about 13 years old
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 02:51
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This comes under "I wouldn't want to".
HAHAHAHA
Dave Trouser
09/02/2010 05:54
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I contains an "I used to want to"
all 13 year olds want to play that way, mainly because they mistake tricks for musicianship
you used to be so much better at trolling Dave, 4chan has dulled your talents
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 06:12
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Nice cunting there, Frank. Admirable sentiments.
As I may have mentioned, I've only ever seen one bassist that made me want to watch them play and that was Stuart Morrow. He turned his back on the punters when he was doing all the cool stuff so you couldn't see what he was doing. The cunt.
bogus
08/02/2010 23:11
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Guy Pratt is a great bass playist.
He just pops in a solid bassline, no twatty flowery bits, and 4 strings but sometimes 5 which should be the maximum number of strings on a bass allowed by law.
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and Marcus Cliffe, John Entwistle, Roger Glover
and Lemmy of course
alright CHB, how are you this fine morn?
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 10:49
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bit busy.
I'm having a few problems with my digital desk. I think it might be me being stupid so the manual has to be glimpsed at.
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only puffs read manuals
you know this, I know this
reading a manual is admitting defeat
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 12:32
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Oh. It's one of those...
"Let's build a 100 string bass and get some fret wanker to play it on our stand at Music Live, causing a fucking huge crowd to gather in the aisles so no cunt can get to the useful stands like Korg and that. Basses should have 4 (FOUR) strings not a fucking billion, and bass players should stick to their bass part and leave the fret wanking to the prat in a hat with a twatty strat. Fact.
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and all the kiddies go home thinking wow, what a great musician he must be
Gilgamesh
09/02/2010 10:53
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Alright you lot
I went to Limerick and got fucked up last night then I came home today. Imagine! Did you do owt good?
bogus
07/02/2010 17:17
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alright bogus
i went to a party last night where booze was provided by the magical wine fairy. i put my empty glass down and SHAZAM there appeared another one.
and there were sausage rolls.
rose
07/02/2010 18:05
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Alright Rose
They're robbing cunts over there. €25 for a fucking curry and it cost me €24 for four pints of fucking lager cos the pub had no proper beer. Wankers.
bogus
07/02/2010 18:13
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what a fucking liberty
its madness out there jonamong, your interests are far better served with indoors, a lonely bottle of gin and a healthy internet connection.
fucking irish. what did you bring me back then?
rose
07/02/2010 18:19
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A big zit on my nose
You can have that one for nowt. I'll tell you summat else an' all. There was this shouty woman having a go at this fella last night in the hallway outside my room, well late it was, about half two, and her exact words were "And you're not going anywhere near my cunt, you fucking prick". Just for a second, a brief moment of glee, I thought it was you.
bogus
07/02/2010 18:22
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in all fairness im fairly easy when pissed, that shouldve tipped you off straight away
but im a new woman these days. im getting all picky
rose
07/02/2010 18:31
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Oh man
Always missing the boat :(
bogus
07/02/2010 18:32
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No blacks, no Irish, no dogs?
some_cunt
07/02/2010 19:45
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travellers by appointment only
rose
08/02/2010 08:14
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oh man, Ethel Austin are in administration
I don't know where I'm going to get flowery print curtains now, bad times
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 17:15
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is this a fucking northern thing?
like home bargains?
rose
08/02/2010 17:46
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Yeah this
I reckon those Northerns have spliced together Steve Austin & Ethel off of Eastenders to make the Six Million Dollar Woman Who Can't Find Her Willie
some_cunt
08/02/2010 20:36
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Terrible tidings!
Where will the chavs get Porn Star t-shirts for their daughters?
bogus
08/02/2010 20:10
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alright bogus
I'd like to say I spent the weekend dancing to YMCA with Nick Griffin, but I didn't.
cowfoot
07/02/2010 18:29
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Then go away and come back when you have
bogus
07/02/2010 18:33
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bogus has deleted this post, the fat post-deleting spastic
bogus
07/02/2010 19:05
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I did a spastic thing because I am a spastic
I'll start again down there.
bogus
07/02/2010 19:07
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I'm having some difficulty with my cocc.
alright bogus
alright cowfoot
alright rose
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Alright CHB
Two lolly sticks and some hairy string should shore it up
bogus
07/02/2010 19:07
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I tried that before.
Trouble is every time I got a lob on I got splinters.
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You shouldn't wear pants made of plywood then you dozy sod.
jimbob
07/02/2010 20:05
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I'll have you know that David Dickinson
himself commented on my plywood pants only the other day. He noticed the well worn patina and darker stain of wood around the gusset. I told the oragne cunt to fuck off. Actually I just like totally made that up.
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I CAN HELP
possibly
I'm the king of the cocc, me
some_cunt
07/02/2010 19:44
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That would be helpful.
I'm going to do something with it later. I'm going to write my biography on there but for now, I just want to put up a jpg but I know fuck all about that sort of thing.
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if you're REALLY crap at site design
I think you can create a Blogspot site and transfer all the pages to your co.cc site
there's a setting somewhere on Blogspot that lets you enter FTP details then transfers everything, give that a bash?
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 04:03
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oh man I <3 you 2
4 eva xxx
cowfoot
08/02/2010 07:58
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I just did a little gip in my mouth
cowfoot
08/02/2010 07:59
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Thing is, my knowledge of computering stuff is quite limited.
I'm not bad for an old bloke, but I really only get by with help from friends. Jim came down at the weekend and did loads of work on our machines, I just use them for work, creating fine works of ART, and posting bollocks. The later is the most important of course. So if one of you shitcunts could help my stick this jpg on my cocc, we can solve the enigma of pisstrumpeting once and for all. This post is sponsored by 
That's not the jpg by the way! This is. I think it's important. i.cr3ation.co.uk/dl/s1/jpg/3d1e19b005d20d0b90253afc3bba355d_coccpic.jpg
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rofl i dun uplodeded it 4 u lol
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 10:39
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I wish I'd refreshed before I spent literally minutes helping out
alright gigglesmash
some_cunt
08/02/2010 10:53
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it's good that for those few minutes, you actually felt useful
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 11:39
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Wehey!! :)
Can this day get any better? I just got back from my usual wander around the charity shops (always worth a look on Mondays), spent £3.50 and I'm sitting here looking at a Royal Worcester vase I should get about £250 for and a box of watch cases and parts which should scrap at about £300. Cheers matey. I told you it was important.
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I might start buying bargain antiques
not to flog them though
I'd just buy them for the pleasure of smashing them to fucking pieces
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 16:52
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I'm not really into it myself.
But I know a profit when I see one. My problem is when I get home, the mrs say's she wants to keep it! ARRRGGHHH!
I'm more yer useful gadget geezer like keyboards and shit.
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fuck me that piss is radioactive :\
rose
08/02/2010 13:03
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totally rollin a ciggie here
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 13:06
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i thought you were fucking off to bed
whats with the untruths you speedy cunt i'll have to update my sig now
rose
08/02/2010 13:21
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nah, I self-prescribed pickled chillis and that fixed me right up
what's your favourite episode of Torchwood?
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 13:32
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torchwood made me sick
what with all the gaying and lezzering and alien on human and fucking furry shit. and that welsh dog with the gappy teeth done my fucking tits in.
whos your favourite bee gee
rose
08/02/2010 13:52
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the blonde one who didn't have a Nazi for a dad
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 14:30
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I had an early night with my new bedding
ah the exciting life of a sober bloke.
alright bogus
alright Captain_Hood_Butter
alright cowfoot
alright rose
some_cunt
07/02/2010 19:35
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I've got a cup of tea
I thought I'd give tea another try, in case I was missing anything
I don't like tea
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 10:40
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I've got coffee
fresh coffee
tea is the devils rectal juice
some_cunt
08/02/2010 10:54
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I might have a fresh coffee now to get the filthy tea-piss taste out of my mouth
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 11:38
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I thought you loved the taste of piss in your mouth?
Not saying it's true, but that's what it said on the wall in the gents
some_cunt
08/02/2010 12:03
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not when it's mixed with tea
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 12:07
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I totally heard a programme on the radio about gilgamesh today
it didn't mention guitars, charitable acts of internet hosting or parading around in lady's undergarments. Useless radio cunts.
cowfoot
08/02/2010 20:42
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yeah
really he was just a tyrannical motherfucker who didn't want to die
Gilgamesh
08/02/2010 22:57
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